Relationships are hard work. Making them last is even harder. If your relationships never seem to work out, it could be because you’re self-sabotaging. Here are seven behaviors that keep people from finding relationships that work.

1. You’re Jaded From Past Relationships

A bad break-up can leave you feeling jaded. You might be stuck in a world of negativity, regret and resentment. It can take a while to heal from a failed relationship. Do yourself and your next partner a favor, and make sure you’re over your past relationship before you move on. Carrying left over negativity into your new relationship isn’t fair to either party, and things probably won’t work out.

2. You Struggle With Low Self-Esteem

It’s true that you need to learn to love yourself before you can wholeheartedly love someone else. Low self-esteem can easily get in the way of a relationship. Before you know it, your own insecurities will come between you and your partner. If you struggle with low self-esteem, focus on yourself for a while. Find a way to love yourself, before you look for a partner.

self esteem

3. You’re Afraid

If your relationships never seem to get past a certain stage, it might be because you’re afraid of what will happen if you find a relationship that actually works. Moving in together, marriage, children… it can definitely be scary. But being fearful of the future will only prevent you from being happy.

4. You’re Unable To Trust

A relationship cannot last without trust. Trusting someone can leave you wide open to getting hurt, but it can also be a great foundation for a relationship that lasts. If you have trust issues, sort through them before you jump into a relationship. Trying to make a relationship work without trust is the ultimate self-sabotage.


5. Your Standards Are Too High

Standards are great. But if your list is too long, it’s probably unrealistic. It’s good to know what you want, but don’t write someone off just because they don’t have washboard abs or own a convertible. If you’re busy being too picky, you might miss someone great who’s right in front of you.

6. You Haven’t Healed From A Rough Childhood

According to psychologists, the way you bond with a romantic partner is based on how you learned to love as a child. A traumatic or unhappy childhood can easily affect your adult life, especially your relationships. If there’s something in your past you haven’t dealt with, take some time to heal before looking for a partner.

broken swing

7. You Chase People Who Are Unavailable

This one is pretty simple. If someone is already in a relationship, don’t pursue them. If you’re waiting on someone to leave their spouse for you, you’re attaching yourself to someone who isn’t available. When looking for love, stick to someone who is single.

Power of Positivity
Psych Central
Psychology Today