Have you ever noticed that some people, despite not having supermodel looks or a ton of cash, still manage to exude confidence and positivity that draws people in?
How do they do it? What do they know that allows them to defy some laws of social interaction?
Dr. Travis Bradberry, psychologist and author of Emotional Intelligence 2.0, thinks he knows the answer.
Here are the 9 secrets of irresistible people, according to Dr. Bradberry.
1. They know that everyone must be treated with respect.
Irresistible people know that, no matter who they are, they have no right to talk down to another human being. Whether they’re dealing with a waiter or their boss, they will speak with respect. This is a sign of deep spiritual intelligence that makes them attractive and puts others at ease.
2. They know, and follow, the platinum rule.
The golden rule says that you should treat others the way you wish to be treated. But that rule is flawed because it assumes that everyone wants to be treated the same way. In reality, people have different desires and goals.
The irresistible person understands this and follows not the golden rule but the platinum one: treat others the way they want to be treated.
3. They know small talk is a waste of time.
Small talk puts your brain on autopilot. It requires very little creative/deep thought, and that makes it boring. Irresistible people know when to cut to the chase and engage in stimulating conversation that keeps people coming back for more.
4. They know that people are important.
Even the most bureaucratic of man-made systems could not function without people who are motivated, happy and engaged. Irresistible people know this and use that knowledge to make their lives more conducive to human connection. They know when to put down the cell phone and look you in the eye.
5. They know not to try too hard.
Whether we’re talking business or dating, trying too hard to be liked is a major mistake many people make. It causes people to stop and wonder why exactly someone thinks they need to push themselves so hard.
Irresistible people acknowledge this, remain confident in themselves and let others draw the conclusions they please. As a result, those conclusions are often positive.
6. They understand the difference between fact and opinion.
Have you ever noticed that some people are completely unwilling to even listen to an opinion that isn’t theirs? It’s a major turn-off, right?
Irresistible people handle even the touchiest of topics with ease, making sure people don’t run for the hills at the first sign of conflict whenever they’re around.
7. They know the importance of being genuine.
Think about the people you truly enjoy being around. Chances are, they’re the type that don’t leave you constantly guessing their true motivations?
People who are genuine make others feel safe and at ease in a world where authenticity can be hard to find.
8. They possess integrity.
People with integrity are hard to come by. When people find someone like this, they can’t resist keeping them around. You always know where someone with integrity stands. You’re never worried they’re going to stab you in the back because you know that they wouldn’t even if they knew they could get away with it.
9. They know the power of a smile.
Two people in conversation will subconsciously mirror each other in an effort to build understanding. So when you’re talking to someone and they smile, you’ll begin to smile yourself, which will in turn make you feel happy about that conversation and that person. They’ll be irresistible to you.
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Emotional Intelligence 2.0