Dr. Ali Binazir wrote the Tao of Dating for one particular group of people, the intelligent. As a student at Harvard, and later as an advisor, Binazir lived and observed a phenomenon present among those considered smart. It was extremely difficult for them to start and keep a relationship.
He calls the problem dating woes and goes on to state that they tend to continue on after college. (Huffington Post)
There are many reasons why intelligent people have a harder time finding and keeping love.
Here are 4 of them!
1. Achievements over Relationships
Children who are considered smart, and end up going to Ivy League Universities, are achievement focused, not relationship focused. This is due to the fact that their parents may desire achievements. Smart kids are supposed to get straight A’s, find time to practice the piano, take up another instrument, and excel at science or math based after school clubs. (These were my parents. I chose drama, and they weren’t too happy.)
Growing up achievement focused gives a child little time to learn how to develop friendships, the first step to finding romantic love.
2. False Belief: Achievements Equal Love
Unfortunately, smart people learn that achievements equal love and admiration from peers and parents. They believe this will transfer into dating.
For most of their lives, smart people inhabit a seemingly-meritocratic universe: If they work hard, they get good results… Good results mean kudos, strokes, positive reinforcement, respect from peers, love from parents. So it only makes sense that in the romantic arena, it should work the same way. Right? The more stuff I do, the more accomplishments and awards I have, the more girls (or boys) will like me. Right? (Huffington Post)
This is wrong, and it takes a person a long time to realize this.
3. Intimidation Factor
I am reasonably intelligent. I would not call myself a genius, but I am brighter than most. My husband is also intelligent, but when I come back with a decent argument to something he has to say, I automatically get figurative hackles. That is because intelligent people are intimidating to everyone. It is not just that smart people are intimidating to dumb-dumbs, but to other intelligent people as well. (Higher Perspectives)
4. Safety First
There is one thing all intelligent people do, and that is think. They think about the present and future problems. They analyze everything and all this analyzing and thinking leads to real relationship problems.
It is hard to enjoy time with a person if one is thinking about all that can go wrong in the future. What if my date is not a perfect match? What if we get a dog and break up? Who will get the dog? What if my date is really a closet serial killer? He is coming off a little narcissistic.
Don’t laugh! These questions are thought about often!
There are many more reasons why intelligent people have a hard time finding love.