You’d think a strong person would have little difficulty finding a great relationship. That’s not the way things go though, is it? In fact, it seems like strong people have more difficulty in romance than others.
What’s the deal?
Psychologists and relationship experts have actually looked into this quite a bit. They’ve got some insights, 4 of which we’ll explore today.
#1 – Strong people have what everyone wants but few can offer.
Strong people have confidence, self-awareness and emotional intelligence. These are all very attractive qualities – especially to individuals who lack them. This turns a strong person into a magnet for needy types with everything to gain and nothing to offer.
That’s problematic because at the root of every solid relationship is reciprocation. Each person must be able to provide something the other wants. If the benefits only flow one way, the ‘giver’ in the relationship winds up feeling more ‘valued’ than ‘loved.’
#2 – Strong people often develop their strength through traumatic childhood experiences.
We all tend to seek – and be sought out by – people that remind us of our early caregivers. This spells disaster for a strong person who built their strength in response to childhood abuse.
According to psychologists, such people have a compulsion to repeat their trauma by finding partners who can trigger it. It’s their way of trying to confront it. Of course this is very difficult, largely because each person is more focused on finding closure than love.
#3 – Strong people (particularly women) are magnets for psychopaths.
It seems weird. But according to Donna Andersen, the founder of LoveFraud, a site about psychopaths and dating, it’s totally true.
“The fact that a woman who is a go-getter, ambitious and has a powerful job can get involved with a psychopath is surprising for people, but those are the women who ‘regular’ men are often intimidated by and won’t approach,” she says.
Remember, a strong person and a psychopath have a few key things in common. They’re both intelligent, confident and calculated. The difference, of course, is that a psychopath has no regard for emotions. They’ll break that strong person down.
#4 – Strong people overestimate their ability to change others.
A strong person gives chances to individuals others would just write off. Of course, this makes them very popular with said ‘deplorable’ individuals. Ultimately, though, this usually leads to frustration for both individuals; just because someone is strong doesn’t make them a great life coach.
#5 – Sometimes, difficult relationships hold lessons that are worth the effort.
Truth is, sometimes a strong person just needs to be in a difficult relationship. Maybe the universe wants them to help get their partner to the next level. Maybe they need to learn about humility. Perhaps that relationship will make them even stronger in the long run.
The possibilities are endless. But, as John Lennon put it, “There’s nowhere you can be that isn’t where you’re meant to be.”